Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The Pussy Professor
At first, the freelance work as a Blowjob Inspector seemed like a dream come true. I was issued a license, an inspector identification number ("GS67464"), a small pamphlet on blowjob etiquette, technique, do's and dont's, a billing schedule and W9 form.
The first few inspections were great. All gums, good rhythm, real pros. They passed with flying colors. But you don't get hired as a blowjob inspector just to get great blowjobs all day. No, just like the health inspector, your job is to shut down the ladies who are just doing it all wrong, and might be posing a mortal danger to unsuspecting men.
My third case, Cindy, was almost my last. It was a wash from the start; sloppy rhythm, teeth, and just as I was about to blow my load, her mouth cramped up.
"Fuck!" I squealed, my balls locking up.
"I'm sorry!" she cried.
"Me too". I handed her an "F" certificate. Poor girl wouldn't be giving blowjobs again for months; she'd have to take a Better Blowjobs community service course and do at least 20 hours of community service blowjobs before she was cleared again.
It hurts, but I feel in some way I am an educator.
I feel the same way about porn. Surfing the net all day looking for porn sounds like fun... but Christ fuck, you know like I do, there's a whole lot of shitty porn out there. An endless stream. It's as if God stopped producing stars and galaxies and said, "You know what? I'm tired of all this celestial shit: I'm gonna focus on porn!" Sites about every fucking thing you can imagine... millions and billions of videos and pictures and blogs and links and sites...
IT'S A FUCKING MESS!
But there are some jewels in the rough. And this blog is dedicated to sharing those jewels with you. Sites and links to places where the porn is like fine wine; it actually does get better with age.
The first few inspections were great. All gums, good rhythm, real pros. They passed with flying colors. But you don't get hired as a blowjob inspector just to get great blowjobs all day. No, just like the health inspector, your job is to shut down the ladies who are just doing it all wrong, and might be posing a mortal danger to unsuspecting men.
My third case, Cindy, was almost my last. It was a wash from the start; sloppy rhythm, teeth, and just as I was about to blow my load, her mouth cramped up.
"Fuck!" I squealed, my balls locking up.
"I'm sorry!" she cried.
"Me too". I handed her an "F" certificate. Poor girl wouldn't be giving blowjobs again for months; she'd have to take a Better Blowjobs community service course and do at least 20 hours of community service blowjobs before she was cleared again.
It hurts, but I feel in some way I am an educator.
I feel the same way about porn. Surfing the net all day looking for porn sounds like fun... but Christ fuck, you know like I do, there's a whole lot of shitty porn out there. An endless stream. It's as if God stopped producing stars and galaxies and said, "You know what? I'm tired of all this celestial shit: I'm gonna focus on porn!" Sites about every fucking thing you can imagine... millions and billions of videos and pictures and blogs and links and sites...
IT'S A FUCKING MESS!
But there are some jewels in the rough. And this blog is dedicated to sharing those jewels with you. Sites and links to places where the porn is like fine wine; it actually does get better with age.
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